This is the letter I wrote to Mark, trying to reveal to him my deep desire to please him and to be disciplined when I disobey and disappoint.
Ever since we started dating I have felt a strong desire to be submissive to you. Even to me it seems strange. So I researched roles of husband and wife according to the bible.. It clearly says, the man is to be the head of the household and women were made to be their helpers. It says women are to obey their husbands and men are to love and provide for their wives.
So, maybe I'm not crazy...I think it's natural for me to want you to love me, protect me, and set limits for me.
I'm not saying that I want to be 'told' exactly what to do... but when I push your limits, try to control things, or nag...I want to be shown that you're the man. I want you to sweep me off my feet and over your knee and spank me. Not love taps but, a spanking I really don't 'want'. It's like I crave to be disciplined. Right now, I feel like I can do whatever I want whenever I want...
I have a comparison (it's kind of stupid but maybe it will help you understand). It is kind of like a stray dog, allowed to wander and do whatever it wants compared to Sassie (our dog) who has rules...which one do you think is happier?
So, this is me asking you to enforce boundaries that you have set...with or without my cooperation and consent. For example, if I stay longer than agreed at my sisters house. You could take me to the bedroom (or garage) and spank me. Keep going until you decide I had enough, not when I tell you to stop. It is the limits I desire, if you stop when I say, I am still controlling the situation. It is very scary for me and I have not fully done this but I am ready and want to give you the control...if you want it.
I know this all sounds so weird but I have wanted to be 'yours' for a long time. I really think it will bring us even closer. I understand if you don't want to or can't.
I love you sooo much,
Even with this very clear letter things did not change much. He became much more bossy but I continued to ignore and disrespect him.
Well, actually thinking back he did begin to spank me more during sex or when walking by him but it was more like playful or erotic spankings, not discipline.